apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
