Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
