just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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