i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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