my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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