HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so explain again why im purple
no
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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