Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
