Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
