Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
