wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
