the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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