My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
