Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It was confusing and full of hummus
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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