Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
