Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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