It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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