I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
