The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
