Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
