What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
