Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
