You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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