Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
