According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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