I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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