Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
