Sponge bath it is.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
