as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
