It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
