o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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