my mouth tastes like poor choices
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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