when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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