So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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