and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
