I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
