i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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