Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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