We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
