TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Enjoy the penises
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
