summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
