What did we do last night that was yellow?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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