That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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