Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
