I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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