worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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