i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
