probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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