New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
