Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
bring money and cleavage
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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