One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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