They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
