the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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