Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
